Day 1.

I'm not really a grumpy person. I consider myself of high spirits most of the time, but according to others I've been pretty grumpy lately. Looking back on my actions over the last several months, I suppose I have been.

Over the last year, I have had to change my perspectives of 'who I am.' It's not something I wanted to do, but that's how life has presented itself & I let situations dictate my actions. (In reality, I should let me actions influence actions regarding whatever situation I am in.) 

Overeating runs in my family. As my grandmother said last week, as she patted my belly "You've finally caught up to the rest of us. You have our genes in you. .... Does that offend you?" She meant no offense, but just saying it did hurt a bit. 

I've taken the opportunities to be lazier than more active lately. I enjoy mountain biking, but I rarely do them. I enjoy BEING athletic, but I'm really not. My body is not how I picture it. 

In October, I was 230 lbs. I "trained" for a 5k. Honestly, I ran about 5 times & let my endorphines carry me. It felt GREAT! It was the longest I had ever run. It's surprising how far someone can run when others around them won't give up. It's amazing what can happen when there are people there to support you and be positive along the way.

When you read other 'fat' stories of people who decide to lose weight, they always say how they tricked themselves to ignoring themselves by saying 'I'm not that big.' I'm really not 'THAT BIG.' I weigh 250 lbs. I'm big enough to be uncomfortable in my own skin. I said the same thing @ 200, 210, 220, 230, 240(I gave up), and now @ 250 I refuse to go any further. 

I'm going on a cruise in May that has scuba diving & a handful of other fun activities along with it. I figure 5 months is a long enough time to go from flabby to fit. 

I realize I get worn out quickly & I get lazy towards the end of a work-out. I need to push through. Whatever genes my kids have, I know that if they do the right things, they won't fall into the trap.

Jillian Michaels, come kick my ass.

This is the 'metabolism' /cleansing week. (We celebrated the kick-off last night by eating crappy food.) This morning was greek yogurt, almonds, and cinnamon; lunch was salad with 4oz of salmon. --- drinks are water & coffee.)

It's 2pm.

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5.75 months to go. Let's see what I can do to myself by then.
Ideally, I'd like to lose 50lbs & be back around 200. (But I'd rather have a high metabolism & muscle.)  I just want to 'be ripped' & feel healthy GREAT again.